Monday, October 10, 2011

Dark Comedy

Well its like some stupid joke that i just don't get. Everyone is laughing, only because every else is laughing. They don't understand it either and are laughing so no one knows they dont get it. Confused yet? Ya me too. Here is an example:

 Take for instance the round-a-bouts that are now scattered all over the Fraser Valley; specifically the ones about Abbotsford. The city built them, because someone told them they were more traffic friendly and efficient than traffic lights. Fewer accidents and less to maintain. So the city ran with what they were told. SOMEONE should have told the advisers that 95% of Fraser Valley drivers can't drive in circle, watch where they are going, and watch other cars moving at the same time! Seriously, if you have a populous that can barely operate a 4 way stop, how in the hell do you think they can manage a constant merging 4 way stop?! I mean it seems simple enough, just drive and when the road turns, you turn, If there is a car or truck coming, wait to turn... Huh, not to crazy right? I drive through two "panic circles" as the major populous treats them, every day going to work. And every day if it wasn't for my horn i'd still be parked behind someone who has to completely make sure the panic circle is empty before entering. And only upon honking do they actually lurch forward, at always the worst time to cut off someone or to just tease me that they might move. I could go on, but seriously, if you understand my pain you are a driver. If you're still laughing at the joke, maybe its time to buy a bus pass.

Another dark joke seems to be my current situation. I have somehow walked away from a good thing, only because i think that the good thing deserves a good thing. Only, really, i think i am a good thing so WTF am i thinking? And in the end whats worse here, being wrong or being right? Ah fuck it, i seriously need to fix my shit before my shit fixes me.
 All i really know is im tired of my own BS and emotional self destruction. Every day i seem to step into this armor and protect myself from any and all who might move to expose me. And every night i try and find a way for that person to get through the cracks and find me, only to panic when they do. I know i've gone on about this shit before, but honestly if i don't talk about it, er, write about it, then i don't think im going to be able to unravel it. So...

Oh another completely random dark joke seems to be my lack of ability to be in 3 places at once, although i can't help but try. Again its simple, there is only one of me, why do i make plans with 3 different people and then rather than just cancel on 2, i just run and shuffle and race to try and make everyone happy, all the while making myself miserable? So.Fucking.Funny. hahaha :(

Well, im still dying to hear the punchline, or at least one I understand, and i hope it comes fast. I miss the good, I miss the normality of it all, and i miss the comfort it brings. And although the chaos that is ensuing is in some strange way fun, i really could use the rest.