Friday, November 9, 2012

Beat upon me, but i won't break?

Seriously folks, I've had just about enough. I really think I'm spinning my wheels here but going nowhere. I mean i work - a lot, but still it seems I'm running on a hamster wheel and getting nowhere. Own my own business, work a full time day job, work any kinda side work i can get for cash, but still it feels like things are conspiring against me these days. I know it sounds like I'm whining but i just can't help it today. My vehicle has been broken into at least 5 times in the last two months, and the total loss at this point has got to be well over $1000 worth of items and damage - and aside from one or two times that I've been forgetful, I've taken everything worth value out of the vehicle at night. And when there is nothing to steal, they still find some way of screwing me. Last time it was break my fuel restricter and siphon my gas instead! And the best part, I live in a town house complex! There is like 50 windows in every direction, and at least 10 street lights  but still they bugger me. Lets add to it by saying my dryer packed it in, my built in vacuum died, and my business bank just recently seems to feel that I'm not worth the paper my account number is written on... I'm just fed up. I really am ready for the zombie apocalypse - I could go for some time just shooting people in the head instead of dealing with them... 

Ok enough... I'm done - things aren't horrible. I have a roof over my head (although that's another $7000 come January), my health is ok, at least nothing to complain about that every other 40 year old isn't already complaining about. My kids are well behaved, and by business is still in business. I've got a girl friend that pampers me and my hockey game is getting better. What more could a guy really want? I guess all the rant is just that, blowing off steam. Truthfully i'd like a job where i only had to work it and still be comfortable. Zero stress aside from the one job, with enough pay to at least cover my overhead and save a little. Nothing crazy to hope for right? Again kids, one more reason to stay in school. All this above bitching aside life isn't horrible... So why am I? What the hell is it going to take to make me happy? I feel like im in a big giant hole of despair right now and its starting to be a real bummer. It could always be worse people say, and I agree. But seriously very few people apply themselves as much as i do and have so little to show for it. Again with the bitching and whining - sorry. Argh.

di-di-dit-de-de-dit-de-de this just in; Man loses motivation and couldn't find it under  the couch! Again it seems my motivation to see the gym and the track are waning. I want to go, I know I'll enjoy it when i get there or do it, but i just can't seem to justify the time vs payoff right now. There is a 100 other things i could be, should be, and aren't doing, never mind taking care of myself. So, i guess i have to go back to the basics and remember - the only thing someone can't take from me, is me. So i might as well be the best me i can. If i don't respect myself enough to take care of myself, why would someone else respect me right?

Anyway, the purpose of this blog was to rant - and that i've done. A bit of a whiny sucky, pissy post today, but hey - i posted!!