Oh hello!

Well my 5 followers, hello and salutations! Long time no writing - sorry. I've been so damn busy lately that i just havent had the time of day! I have had two weeks off for vacation - sorta, and with the kids its just been a bit much to get 20 minutes out to put my thoughts on paper, er monitor, ah... You know what i mean. So whats what? Well my weight is still floating around the 220 mark which is a piss off but not a surprise. I havent been running lots with the vacation thing going on, and the gym is hard to get too when you're out of town for two of the last 4 weeks. Annnd lets face it you don't eat so well when you're on vacation to begin with, so i guess i should be glad it hasn't gone up. All that aside, im re-doubling my efforts starting Monday, which pisses me off to even think it. EVERYONE starts on a Monday, no one ever starts on a Tuesday or a Friday... I just know with my kids home this week, and i have such a busy weekend it will be impossible to get a good start, so next week it is... Maybe Sunday night if time permits. I've been happy for the most part this month, but i have to be honest, i was more than a little pissed with a facebook comment i fell across yesterday. It amazes me how i can actually SCHEDULE time off, well in advance and still get asked to come  back early to work, then be made to look like the bad guy for taking time off to begin with. Might not have been the intention, but it sure looked like a "poor me, im so hard done by" comment, when i in fact cancelled my vacation plans early on both weeks to help out. If it was any other work place i would have had my vacation time off, without concern for others, but its not, its my business so i do concern myself with others, and in the end it felt like i was being made to look like the bad guy for taking time off. Never a mention of "wow im so lucky to have someone cancel their vacation time early twice so i can do my own thing, what a great partner". Nope, instead i get the i hope i get time off already, im such a poor over worked slave. Really its BS, but hey it always looks worse from the other side right? Im probably being over sensative about it anyway, but boy it got me hot. Im over it....
So what else to share? Well recently i went to my Ex-inlaws place for 3 days with my boys to relax and boat and just get things "back to normal" if it could be possible. Surprise surprise i think its possible. Still  a few awkward unwanted conversations that aren't avoidable, and the always looming "don't talk about it, and it didn't exist" feelings of unfinished drama - but all in all very comfortable, very receptive and honestly felt like my parents again. Very happy with it, and honestly can't wait to see them again. Weird right?
 Yep so some days with them, some days with great friends camping and bam, two weeks (ish) gone and back at it harder than ever. I have every intention of getting down to the 205 mark before the year is out, and i have every intention of bringing my company back into the black if it kills me. We're not lost, but god damn we are pushing the 8-ball around a lot lately. This economy will turn around sooner or later and we just need to hang in there until it does. Im confident i have the right partner, business, and drive to make it happen, its just a matter of time and discipline to see the changes through. Not that i don't have faith i can't do it, or rather WE can't do it, i still purchase the occasional lottery ticket. (Who knows right? Can't win if you don't play).
So not to say i spend a lot of time reflecting on my life during the last 3 weeks or so, but i did have a few quickly realized observations about myself. I do a lot of thinking when i run and work out, and although i didn't get lots of that in i did try here and there. So what did i "observe"? Well, im still horribly co-dependant, and well - im good with it. It no longer bothers me that i don't like being alone. Im ok with admitting it. I really don't want to change it, i like being around others and well, who really enjoys solitude? Second thing i noticed - I'm a  bit sensative about how others think about me. I thought i didn't give a shit about what others thought, but i guess deep down inside, all of us are somewhat concerned on how the world views us. I was lying to myself to think otherwise, and so are you if you think you don't care. The real gem of knowledge that i picked out of all of this was that im ok with not being liked. Everyone wants to be liked, or thought well of, but in the end not everyones gonna like me and its ok.
So ya thats it, thats all i got... I know not any major ranting or carrying on about shit, but hey this past few weeks or so its all been about my kids, and my time spent with them, and well, nothing i can bitch about there. So until next time...