What to do...

Well once again i've waited far too long to make a post, no doubt i've left all of you in the dark so long that no one is reading this anymore. So i will continue to write for my sake only,  and perhaps it will help me sort the chaos of late that is swimming in my brain.

Recently i did the stupidest thing ever... I threw away something that was absolutely incredible. Yep, the best thing to happen to me in the last 6 years or so, and i just wasted it away like it was nothing. Now, after i settled down, thought it out and really reviewed my situation, i realize a few key points that i might have over looked in my life. First off, when you find happiness, and i mean real happiness, don't take it for granted. I most certain did. Secondly, i never thought i would ever fight and struggle again for something that could be fleeting, up until i lost it, and now want nothing more than to have it back. I've also discovered that regardless of caution, care or concern for a situation like this, i can't help but fully invest myself into it - no longer do i think i will be able to sit on the sidelines and wait to see what happens if i just let it happen. I think i will continually be stepping back and looking in to see what things really are.  Not over analytical but just to create a reference point. I know, this is all very cryptic but as i said in the very beginning this blog is for my brain, and perhaps your amusement. I know what im talking about, sorry if you don't. And maybe the biggest lesson here, the most important thing that one has to remember, especially in this current situation, is; it is not possible to show someone something that they don't want to see. You can say what you want, you can sell it as hard as you can, but in the end if others don't feel the same, there's not much you can do. So my point here is, if its good - really good, don't fuck it up.

There are several points in my life, that if given the opportunity to go back and change things, like most, i certainly would. BUT, the hardships and trials that i've been through have led me to what i recently had,  and if i were to turn back the clock, i honestly think it would be only far enough back to stop me from making this mistake. Maybe one day this will be a Hollywood story, of something great that was lost, and came full circle to being found again, but in truth its more a hope than a reality.  Like Hollywood; great stories, great emotion, mostly fantasy...