Sunday, June 20, 2010

My mind, my dog, your murse

Well hello and salutations! Todays sarcasm is brought to you by the letters F & U and the number 2. 
After a good week of fumbling blindly through my emotions i have come to discover a few things that i wasn't totally aware of up until now. First off, i have a fear of commitment; but only when im alone. Wierd right? I also have a fear of being alone. I know kind of counter productive right? Crazy i know. Anyway those two emotional issues aside, I have discovered that nothing is more exciting than hanging leg raises, i can run 10k in 56 minutes, i can still bench press over 300lbs (yes there was some doubt there - not feeling overly strong these days),  a mattress memory foam pad makes my bed harder to get out of in the morning, and Gus really likes to watch me shower. I know, thats what i said. He probably cant understand why i get in a glass box and stand in the rain. He cocks his head sideways, and stares like im crazy. And i think he thinks its dangerous, or its a teleporter or something, cause when i get out he's all excited like there was a chance i wasn't coming back, like Scotty was going to beam me away. I know, but hey, he's my dog. Um, what was i going to say... Oh, you probably think im a bit off being excited about leg raises and running and lifting weights and stuff? No? Well you should, that really is crazy, it borders on sick actually. But it does help me think, maybe too much, but it beats walking around my house in circles talking to myself. Maybe the dog has some reasons to worry about me? ;)
Was there a point to my blog today? Oh yes, right... Murses are NOT cool. Come on guys, really? At what point in your life did you decide, hey, my girls purse looks really handy, i totally need somewhere to put my lip gloss and cell phone! You idiots, its a purse for gods sake. Remember growing up, shopping with your mom, and she'd be trying something on, and she'd tell you to hold her purse? You'd stand in the womens section right outside the change room door, dying a slow death cause everyone is looking at this guy holding a purse, and it was all you could do to even touch the thing never mind get the idea to hang it on your shoulder by its strap. So fast forward a couple decades and BAM! You want to hold your own purse, hang it from your shoulder, and think its cool... Seriously guys, WTF. I don't think i can actually think of any male icon that has been seen with a murse, so im trying to figure out who came up with the idea, who was trying to emulate who, and why ever didn't his buddy slap him around and ask WTF are you doing? If you're leaving your buddy's house and he came out of his room in a pink cardigan, white slacks, and a gold belt, you'd fucking say no way dude! Im not going in public with you like that, but you're all good with him and his purse? Wow, not a good friend at all. So there, im done, im over it... Murses are not cool. Oh and for gods sake, don't come into a COMBAT STORE and ask if we have murses, seriously thats grounds for a good smack right there...Ok im over it.
Ah ya, so thats it for now, and dont forget about todays letters and numbers... F U 2


Tammy said...

Well, fuck. I guess I have to return your next birthday present. That thing was leather, too. :P

Love the dog staring at you in the And JUST SAY NO TO MURSES! Lame. Over.

Your description of the kid holding his mom's purse is priceless!

Diane Stewart said...

Priceless laughter this morning! Love it!! Murses...who ever came up with those, I've been asking that for years!

The kid holding the purse...I think I've seen that look on my son's face!! I promise to never do that again...promise!

Your dog...first of all I couldn't figure out why, if there was some guy named Gus watching you shower, you all of a sudden had an issue with murses! LMAO...good thing it's just the dog!