Sunday, June 13, 2010

Sun, driving, and perfect endings

Well well well, look who it is, about time you showed your face around here! Sun o beautiful sun, how long we've all waited for your arrival. That said, thanks for the f'n sunburn fucker! Oh and thanks for hatching all the mosquito eggs too! You know, seriously, screw you! You wait all god damn spring, foresake us, leave us in the cold wet darkness that should have been a spring, then torch us near death with no warning or warm up... Seriously need to work on some manners here i think...Ah well, now that i've shared my personal opinion of how the sun has treated me, i must say its nice to have it out. Makes me want to never get off the motorcycle, and makes our business that much more business like. Wierd how people want to play stuff outside when its not raining. who'd a thunk it?? Anyway, summer is here for sure now and all the more excited i am about a vacation of some sort this year.

Now on to the ranting i so often get credit for. If you drive, and more importantly, if you drive poorly, "defensively", are scared to drive, or it makes you uncomfortable, then please... GET THE FUCK OFF MY ROAD!!! Honestly people when youre on a single lane highway, and you look in your rear view mirror and there is a load of traffic behind you, but its all clear in front of you, then that would be the time to identify that youre a shit driver. It would also be the time to speed up or pull over, NOT the time to tap your brakes as if to give me a warning you might stop suddenly. Lets face it, when you're moving that slowly and that cautiously, there isn't a chance in hell you'd actually spike the brakes. So your shinnanigans arent fooling any of us, and in fact we're all considering slashing your tires at the next gas station or rest stop you use. Yes thats right, i get pissy with other drivers less "motivated" than me. More acutely i get pissy with people who have no concern for the interuption they cause on the flow of traffic over all. I might be the one riding your ass, but its because i have someone riding my ass. MOVE. Oh and for christs sake, if you're on a two lane freeway or highway, move the fuck over! NOW!!! Seriously everyone has heard the "slower traffic keep right" saying, read it on signs, and whatever... THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT YOU! You are slower traffic - so move, and save the dirty looks for someone else when i do finally pass you. Yes, i am pissed at you, yes i am all but pushing you down the freeway. Yes i get it, i made you feel uncomfortable... If you'd but just let me past, you could resume your Sunday drive with no stress. Instead you fuck with me, which stresses you. Then you shoot me a dirty look like im doing wrong. And lets face it, you look all angry and shit, but the second i suggest you pull over so we can discuss it in a more personal manner - youre suddenly in a hurry and cant stop. Maybe if you drove like you were in a hurry you wouldn't be giving me the finger, then looking away horribly quickly realizing you made a real dumb mistake. I am not above beating you into driving lessons, or driving retirement. All right, fine... Im sorry. I just get so god damn aggrivated when im trying to enjoy a nice cruise on the bike, and all i can think of is kicking your mirror off your car when i pass you. Just please, for all of us, take the slow lane when you can, and remember - just cause you pay taxes doesn't make it YOUR road. Its MINE ok? Don't forget it.

Ya, thats it. thats my gripe today. Have lots more to bitch about, but in truth it was all i could do to get this out. Took me all day to type it out and now after reading it over it seems all so angry. Im in a stellar mood now, my day couldnt have ended better baring a bathroom break (inside joke). I don't even feel this strongly about it now. Well, at least not until i drive tomorrow and you fuck with me again.  Screw you!


Tammy said...

Ahahahaha...all so true. If only we could actually SAY these things to the slow and clueless out there!

Love, love, love your rants!