Oh how you make me think...

Someone very important to me asked me recently, do I have any regrets? I answered rather quickly saying yes, who doesn't, but never really thought it entirely through. Well like usual when this person speaks, i spend entirely too much time thinking and analyzing what they said, what was meant by the question, and whether or not my answer was meant to satisfy them, or to make me think. Anyway the desired effect unknown, i have done exactly that - thought, analyzed, brewed, stewed and concentrated on the question. A few things have come clear to me. First off, yes i have many regrets - i was truthful in answering that, and really who doesn't. But as i pondered the questions meaning, and what my regrets are, or would be if given the time of day to reflect - which by the way seems to be the middle of the night for me, while not sleeping - i realized that all my regrets that quickly popped up had very little to do with me. They were all around how i should not have done this to that person, or how i should have done that for this person. As i thought harder, there were a few that were about me, but really all my immediate regrets were about how or what i should have done differently for other people. Strange how i can go on in my previous post about how its all about me, but when i let my conscious be my guide, my regrets are about how others were effected by my decisions. Now this realization does not undo my previous post, rather adds weight to it. Seriously why do i live my life dancing around others responses or reactions to decisions that really have nothing to do with them? Anyway, back to my regrets...
1. I should spend considerably more time thinking about something before speaking about it (true for most of us i think).
2. When an opportunity presents itself when dealing with the heart - i shouldn't hesitate to speak my feelings - regardless if it gets me hurt or makes me look stupid. (To many good things have slid past me or out of my hands because i was reserved - yes me - or unsure, probably even scared).
3. Recognize when im beating a dead horse. Seriously have to work on this one...
4. Run directly at my problems, not skirt around them. Oh and even more importantly - once im head to head with them, don't let up after the first dealings with it. Keep it in the fore front until the problem is resolved. (still working on it).
5. When i do decide to discuss an issue, i should be very mindful of who i share it with. Its seems more often than not i discuss my problem or issue with the wrong person, or persons, and end up getting bad advice, or having to defend my thinking rather then actually listening to their opinions.
6. Just because i ask someone their opinion does not mean i need to follow that advice! Far too often i get some input and run with it, its like i can't blame myself now because this person said it was ok... Enough of that...
7. Eating ANY gas station food. Drunk or not drunk - i really should know better.
8. Doing something out of boredom. Every day seems to short - i really need to stay on track.
9. Procrastinating. Thats right - i regret that i procrastinate. I continually put off going to the gym, or for a run, getting the books done, or whatever, because i can do it later today... Later today always seems to late.
10. Over scheduling. I continue to try and fit everything i can into every day. This pisses off friends, makes me late or a complete no show to events, and honestly makes me pissy that im running around in circles constantly trying to make everyone happy all the while making me unhappy...Every time i try to make everyone happy, someone ends up pissed anyway, and i end up miserable... I know this - just need to figure out how to change it.

Well, i didn't think i'd do the top 10 list, but my OCD said i couldnt stop at like 4, or 7 or anything so 10 was the number. Recognizing my regrets or at least my patterns of regrets unfortunately won't make me change. At least not over night. Im still gonna be reserved when my heart is out there. Im still going to be defensive when talking about my problems, and im still going to procrastinate... Hopefully i can learn sooner or later to just say no to gas station food - thats one i really need to enforce sooner rather then later...